It’s just my blogs - Annie YYF

I never expected I would say it today. I mean I wanted to wait till after 04th March 2007.

He brought me to a fren’s house for dinner. Said that a relative’s kid birthday. Im OK with that cos I knew a couple of frens there. I meant to go as a casual fren but I knew he don think the same.

Everything went on smoothly and when it’s time to go home, he told me that he heard rumours about me. Im not surprised to heard that cos I expected that to happen. He wants me to tell him what rumours actually did I spreaded! Wait a minute! Me? Spread rumours? Was he kidding? I didnt do a single thing. Does this mean Im framed? Goodness!!! The truth was he heard that nothing much than Im often goin out with couple of guys. Normally me! I used to do that. Sometimes a few frens or sometimes just a guy. Well, they are all just frens. Often I even went out with a couple. Means the three of us. So what?? Was it so big deal? Says he trust me even he heard those rumours. So??

It wasnt until we reached my house that we break into a-nothing-but-truth conversation. I told him how the 8 yrs are so vain. So vain that I can hardly feel there are any use to be together again. Those happy old time turns to be my nitemare whenever Im with him. Im so scare whenever Im with him that I prefer to stay at home even nothing or so d*** bored. I’ve been non-stop giving chances to him that I think I lost the purpose of giving chances there. I could have turn away couple years ago but I didnt do that. Cos I believe in turning over a green leave which THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO HIM!!! What a waste of time. Waste of my age!!! Hahahaaaa…

Just as I expected he never willing to accept what I really want. Another chance. Why ask for it when he pretty much knew that he cant keep me anymore? Cos he is not willing, I guess. But what about me? Have he ever think about me? Just because he doesnt want that to happen, means I need to tolerate? EVERYTIME?? Means I need to be so understanding to his feeling and give in to what he wants me to? So silly. Nothing can keep me anymore.

Nothing will be the same even I say YES. I lost track of my feeling to him. It’s like been fren again. Maybe it’s time I should think of ‘chau lou’. Gagagagaaaa….

Anyone got better idea to ‘chau lou’?? I’ve done my part and the rest is up to him to discover and understand. I can’t force him to eat my word but leave him to see Im already set to walk alone. God bless him.

Last nite I went for movie with Jen (I’ll post her pic someday k?). Ever since Sdk got cinema, it’s been one of the frequent visit place other than just ‘yam cha’. At least, it’s another kind of entertainment.

There’s a few selection of movie and I actually aim for Wonderful Life (Sam Shiong Shi Sheng), a chinese movie starred HK stars. Jen is looking forward to Ghost Rider but …. I told her my experiences after that movie. We always had disagreement about watching movie together cos both party had watch some of the movie with some other parties.

Actually Men is on-leave yesterday and they had actually went for the movie Wonderful Life. They think that it’s hilarious and couldn’t shut their mouth. Sigh… I had to watch the movie alone.

I was off work at 1745 and finally we had to ‘watch the time to be human’! It’s a chinese saying means we’ll go for the movie which suit our time lo. Scrolling down from the newspaper, we finally agreed on 2015, Norbit. Men watched it with her sister last sat and she said it’s another hilarious movie as well but she will wants to watch it again with us. Except not for last nite as she had to attend a dinner at a fren’s house.

As a matter of fact, it is indeed a hilarious movie. Jen and I laughed real loud and hard on most of the scene. It’s about a guy with her big fat wife. She was HUGE!!! Enormously huge. You won’t believe how you can ’survive’ with someone so HUGE. I mean really huge.

There is one scene where the wife (Rasputia) was driving in a car around the town looking for her husband cos she suspect he was having an affair with a beautiful lady. When she said her husband is kissing the girl inside the church, she fainted and bumped into another car passby. As I mentioned earlier, she is so huge and of cos her boob is so big that when her car crashed, her boob actually bumped into the sterring and the shape is like an airbag exploded!!! Boy, wasn’t that hilarious!!! Jen & I kept saying "airbag!, airbag! hahaha…. hahhaa…." We even heard someone shouted the same at the back of the cinema seats. That scene last abt 2mins but that’s enough to see the crazy in us.

Another scene was like when they are ready to make love but it wasn’t any ordinary love scene. She would create much, much atmosphere like she would dress in santa rina dress and Norbit dresses in Santa Clause uniform and she jumped into him before landed on the bed. They play that same scene many, many times as the stars changed into many, many type of clothes. The time when she landed on top of him onto the bed, the bed was actually damaged. It makes us think how many bed do they actually change in a month? wakwakwakkkk….

It wasnt any ‘touchy’ movie. Feels like courage more. Courage on how you break your use-to-be habit and go for what you truly desire. What may seems once in a lifetime and to open up to it. Even after so long and everything seems no hope (Norbit gets married and his childhood wife was engaged)… a change that make things more better than now is worth a try.

By the time we both came out from the cinema, my vocie turn ugly. It feels like I can’t talk smoothly. I had to hold my breath before I can say anymore thing. We headed home and I was really tired. Thought I could go to sleep vanished as I opened the door and saw a bunch of my parent’s fren there sitting in the living room. I smiled and sat down to talk with them.

It wasn’t long before they all go back home around 2200++. I still didint make a move to land on my bed. In fact, I turn on my pc and realplayer with just one song. Nie He Wo by LeeHom. That is the only song accompanied me till 5 mins to 0400. I searched for my assignments infos and some more chatted with a two frens. Jonis and Tat. I wont be surprised Jonis’s awake cos he is in UK. A place where 8 hours behind us. For Tat, haiii…. I dont wanna comment abt him. He should knew very well what’s more important in his life now. Oh ya, Hugh too. In fact, we didnt actually chat. I sent him a message in frenster and he replied me by sms.

Wanted to ask his opinion about what I think Im about to do. I didnt manage to send him email thro my gmail so will most probably be doin it to nite.

Anyway, assignment is priority and oh boy… got dinner to nite. Have to get back soonest lo. Felt really sleepy now. Wanted to zzZzzZzZzzzZZzzz…..

Just read a fren’s reply message. I told her about how I heart-broken again and to her, it seems like there wont be any problem for me other than relationship. I do admit for everything else, I can handle well but not relationship. It will sink me down.

She is one example of been love and to love but not able to do anything. What I mean is she is under a condition that she cant do anything wrong or else she have to bear the consequences whole life. Including her family. Means, even she loves that guy so much, she can only keep in her heart. Definitely cannot express it. Pretend nothing is goin on.

Wao, that’s one big job. Compare to me, I can ignore everything else and express my feeling. Im much lucky. I can forget everything and hug him but I NEVER DID THAT!!! It’s just dream! Haha… I am really full of wonderful love imagination.

But nothing compares to lying on the ground together and look up the skies full of bright shining stars. Stare at it for an hour or more without talking to each other or expressing without looking at each other. That is oh so, so romantic. When is my turn??? hmmm… must be daydream too much liao.

hahahahaaaa…….

Sometimes when I need someone to listen, all I got is just a piece of paper to write down what I wanna say. Believe me, they need me to listen more than I need them but human is still human.

I do need someone at sometime. I got another call today from a company asking me to be online tutor in Kul. The talks was like "come to work next mid of month!" In fact, I kind of like that work since it’s part of customer service. My duties is mostly to teach China and HK students online. Great! New people, new attitude, new thinking and new everything. At least new environment.

Hahah… Im thinking of him again. Sorry, sometimes cant help thinking abt him when I promised myself to let him flow away. But Im sure at least new environment will help to wash the memories faster.

Almost end of next month is my big day. Already my two fren planned what to do with that day. Maybe they are too scare that I will think too much. It’s the 3rd yr, Im with them during my birthday. Sorry, what is it??? My bf? Im not sure if he remember or not. Or maybe he don have to remember anyway. I don know. We’ll just have to wait and see.

Talking abt bf, i felt sorry for a fren who broke up recently (last month) in s’wak. But she told me it’s better since it’s before CNY and she will go thro it positively just like 2006 goes out and came in 2007. Im happy for her. We shared abit of our stories this morning and encourage each other to be more strong even without anyone. Suddenly I formed a named for us. The S&G. What does it stand for? Single and Gorgeous. Hahahhaaaaa…. If that makes us happy, why not! No harm.

So, to every girls out there who just or suddenly become available, welcome to Single & Gorgeous (S&G).

Oh ya, I just learned how to save pic from hp to pc. Upload (into pc) a few but this is my favorite (uploaded in frenster pic).

Wanted to sleep but I don’t have much time for this two assignment anymore. So, while the browsers works it’s ‘magic’, I post alot of testi and comment to frens around the world. Some in Aus, in UK, in west. Haha… Just to keep in touch.

I finally upload a pic (Helen & I) during our recent gathering in Sdk. It’s actually really hard to choose which one to post up cos we had group photos and oh ya, a new one I met recently. Eddie! Eddie Fung. Everything went so well until I started to act so childishly. Some more it’s someone’s home. Then it’s like turning heaven into hell all by myself. Everyone was so worried about me except for myself who think I ought to do this. So ‘pai sheh’!

The only words from Christy is "You are so selfish." That sting me so much. Helen said I act rather rediculous. I eat my act! Pretty bad. Still, she said never make the same mistake twice. I guess there wont be a time call twice. Cos Im leaving liao. On a long holiday. Long break to rest myself mentally well.

After this final guy, I decided to rest liao.

I’m glad Val Day is finally away (not just a day but quite some days). This is the third yr I celebrate Val Day differently. In fact this yr, I went for home-shopping with Jack’s sister. Perhaps that’s the best thing I can do to comfort a fren. She is having trouble getting over with her marriage but I guess she’s OK now. I really hope so. Let say too many same scenarios within the whole 2006 yr. I felt rather scare to go any further than just a couple of dates.

Yeah, my couple of dates is already almost a decade. Haha… Ppl would be surprise to know that I’m still at this specific stage where some already had a happy family with kids. I really love kids but I am just not a good mother. Not to mention a good wife. I’ll be surprise to see myself having kids of my own.

For the past two year, I’ve been a good companion to two of my fren here. I hate been a listener sometimes. When I’m their good listener, means they are not happy.

Tomorrow is CNY first day. Like usual I will stay quietly at home. Sleeping haha… In fact, I’m the only one stayin at home while all my family members go out. Why? I suppose I deserve a good sleep after I arrive home at 7am right that day! Maybe some of you would think ‘What kind of a person this is? Where she go till 7 in the morning!’ Somewhere. Just somewhere and I stay wide awake the whole nite. So, don’t I deserve a better ‘day’ sleep?

With so many frens comin back from their workplace, I hope my spare time is all filled. Filled and not enough to go around. Wuu oo… This yr will be the year of changes. I will change many, many things. Many, many things that I don’t or didn’t change for the few past years. This yr is finale.

I better wrap this up. Saying too much will spoil the times coming. Happy holiday everyone. J

I couldn’t agree more to that cos I felt I’m like that in most matters. I’m a Pisces.

It’s now 0142 and I’m still wide awake. Partly cos of the Honey Green Tea (my favorite) I still sipping. Major … cos I’m taking test tomorrow am. All objective questions but who knows how hard will that be.

This sem, I’m taking courses offer only on-line and I had to arrange my time to studies and work on my assignment (two!!). Deadline is on early of March 2007. Will I make it? Sure. Certainly, I need to thank him. If he haven’t talked to me three days ago (Tues), I would still feel I’m the poorest in the world!!!

He told me to do something over expectation. Everyone likes a little surprise. Including me. haha…. He is so right. What took me so long to figure this out??

Here I am with my book and partly typing my latest blog (this is the one at this particular time!). I think of what i had done alot recently. Think of what I want to do and what I want but never do. Seems pretty lame rite? Yeah, I know. I am.

At the same time I’m listening to yahoo-launch-radio. It’s "Dreaming Of You" by Selena. I actually dint really heard of this song before but it happened… way back in 1997.

That time we only play with cassette instead of varieties of CD now. I went to a shop selling cassette with a list of songs I want them to record for me. The song name I wrote is Dreaming Of You by Celine Dion … I don’t even know why they record this song for me. Anyway, it’s now one of my favorite valentine song. Stand along with Right Here Waiting (Richard Marx - 1st place) and My Valentine (Martina McBride).

Songs always reminds me of someone. Like some of the Jay’s song remind me of my dad. All Out Of Love - Air Supply reminds me of Jack, Don Speak - No Doubt to an ex I really, really hold close to my heart once before. Like all Aqua songs remind me of my 1997 and 1998 years. Vengaboys remind me to all my party-hard frens. And the list goes on….

But one song that I really, really treasure is Savage Garden -  Truly, Madly, Deeply. To a guy whom we both wants to start but never manage to do so. We knew each other only few months. Maybe he’s married now.Those memorable moment only a week but I really miss the time I gets to talk with him. The time when he point to the stars and explain to me about it. The time we look up and the skies is full of brightly shining stars (even it’s in front of my house compound). Thro we never said it but looking up the skies full of stars seems like a promise to always remember each other. That 5 minutes … I will never forget any of the details. Never ever. Cos the next day, he called and said "I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I can only choose one." I never heard of him anymore after that. I guess anyone of you who read this, knows the ending rite?

Hi, Im back! It’a been a while … I know. Even I surprised myself. How can I let everything passed just like that. No, Im not busy. No, I don’t forget. No, Im feeling very well. Yes, definitely this one. Im lazy! Hah… Yeap, couldn’t agreed more.

I had a well hectic Dec (2006) but it ended very, very delightful as I wanted. First, everyone was way too busy to do other than their own job. Me and my colleagues talks most about work instead of balancing. Luckily, Adel’s wed bring another topic or little balance to me. Like I am, I think of what should I wear. A dress. Hehe… Havent really wear one for most of the wedding dinner. Usually I would choose a blouse wit a skirt or a pant. Now a dress?? Must be kidding. But, shouldn’t I at least just try? I always wish I had but Im not keen enough to try.

Her wedding was on 30^th Dec. A perfect day as we are needed to work till the last working day which co-incidentally ends on the 29^th. So, I went there rite after my work. I took a shower, had my dinner and catch the 2000++ flight. But I only reached bki at 2200++. You must be wondering what kind of a 45mins flight turn to be more than an hour flight. It delayed! First announcement, 15mins. Later 30mins and we all end up looking at FAX flight took off at about 2100. We still waited. So how, I consider that’s good cos who wants to fly in a flight that ‘never reach’!

I overnite at Lic’s home. I like her apartment and she is very humble. She kept saying it’s a small place and hope I don’t mind staying in such a small house but That house is about extra 40% than my house and yet she still said she hope I don’t mind. Who would mind anyway?! The only thing I don’t get use to is having her room to myself. I thought we’ll had a good nite chat but she leave it all to me. It was really big and I felt kinda scary. When I woke up in the morning, the radio is still playing Ai fm. That’s the channel I run before I fall asleep. The frequency was short but in the morning, it’s alrite.

The atmosphere in Adel’s house is really good. I become the cameraman, shoot as I like but I still need to catch the important scene. I was told that they are going to make the guy ‘tour’ the house before he got her bride. I look at them and pay very much attention on the details. He was asked to say something good to the mother-in-law and then to the father-in-law. They made him read out loud a home-made ‘agreement’. With so many ears and eyes, it’s such a grand promises.

Mag arrived about an hour later and I am so glad I met Mag. Haven’t seen her about a year more. She came with Cle. Next destination, the groom’s house. Or rather the workshop. Have I intro him? Opps sorry! Let’s regard him as PL. Work in the workshop and stay there. With the family. Well, I guess you know what I mean. Adel said she may be the first to marry to a workshop. Rather proud of herself. Hehe… Taken a few good shoots and had our lunch there. About 1400, we cabut. The nite, another big time. Oh ya, more to come. We’ll be meeting Tony, Rid, Jem, Lex and others.

Let me just roughly upload a few couple of pics for you all to see. Roughly just a few cos it’s not really my event. Did I mentioned that I will wear the ‘usual’ wedding blouse that nite? Yellow sleeveless and a nice one. You know what, I actually brought that blouse in a minute. I saw it and try it and brought it! Ever since then, it’s with me in the past two years wedding that I attended. Of cos I design it abit differently on every wedding occasion.

At the end of the day, Rid sent us home. I mean, back to the hotel. Im still hungry but it’s already past midnite. I had to tide myself. Urgghh… so suffered.

The next day sees us walking around shopping complex for almost a day. I had a great time but really tired. What did I do? Most of the time, window shopping. I don’t really wanna shop. Nothing on my mind. It’s 31^st and Im still around bki. No intention to go back. Like I never want to. In fact yes. I don’t really want to. I missed byn & men & their steamboat but I would rather stay in bki cos I knew I’ll be happier to celebrate this year. It’s gonna be a new, really new year for me. The years to come will be new as well. I don’t wanna go back my usual way.

After dinner with Mei’s nanny, I stayed awhile in Mag’s room and called frogy. She was with Chan and coming to fetch me. Who is Mei? Mag’s princess. Who’s frogy & Chan! The co-star. I mean my frens. My sources of light. Part of my life. This year is my first time celebrating a good year with them. There will be more to come.

I wonder how he was there. Celebrating it in a stranger land. How was the celebration and how is his feeling? Will he still remember me? I don’t know. Maybe he did but it’s flare. I mean samar-samar. It’s been a few months since he left but I never left him a side. Not on my mind.

If you wanna know, he is not my bf or any crush I had. I just think of him a lot and nothing. Think a lot and nothing.

5,4,3,2,1…Happy New Year!!!! Ok, that wrap the day. A wonderful time in bki.