01st Aug 2007
It’s been while. Really while… for a blogger like me to pen down my ‘life’ again. I bet some of you knew what’s going on with me while others might have kept guessing ‘what’s going on with the emotional blogger there?’ In fact, my life takes up a 360 degrees changes and I actually feel good about it.
What’s been going on? Hmm… it’s more or less I learned my lesson well. I had to say (actually, sorry to say) I learned not to trust my opposite gender that much as I use to have. After those betrays, after those lies, after those endless tears, after those sleepless night, after those debts, I can finally say I’m OK despite staying single again and I am proud to say I enjoy been single now.
One thing I really need to announce here is the time I do not know how much friendship means to me, I do not understand why I kept been silly and I do not realized someone actually care for me so much is the time my close friends are all the while with me. They are the one who never give me up despite I lie and lie and lie and lie again and again and again to them. I knew they felt pretty devastated seeing me that way while all I want is to do that silly, stupid stubborn thing. OMG, I really let them down that particular time.
Been clubbing for a few weeks in a row. Enjoying the companion of new friends I just knew there and the old one as well. Life is good if you know what you are doing all the while. Sometimes of course, it can be rocking but while some other times… it can be joyful.
I had a very short relationship with a guy last month. At first, I thought I can treat him as a companion only. Still, I really pour my heart to him. We broke off twice and get back again. Then last couple of days ago, I broke it off again. This time for real. It’s really time wasting going on with him. He obviously doesn’t know what I really want from him. Very simple! Care for me and TRY understood each other. All the while I had to think of his feeling. I had to persuade myself to understand him when he gone mad at me for the purpose I-Don-Know-Why-He-Was-Angry!!!
He was far younger than me so I thought I had to be more understood in this case. I tried explain to him a relationship means in the mind of a girl; my age. Still, he doesn’t understand. I look stupid among my friends when they tried all their might to loosen our relationship mentally. I don’t blame them for I also doubted myself for accepting his propose in the first place. Since I accept, I commit to it fully. I am the normal girlfriend like every couple has. I really treat him as my boyfriend. The only hard thing is he expects me to understand his feeling and that he felt hurt when we had argument. I did say sorry twice which I knew I am wrong at that particular time. At some time, I did really say mean words and when Im in his shoes … I felt hurt too. I am really sorry for what I say.
Verse vice… he never think he say anything wrong. That doesn’t piss me off. Doesn’t make me angry. Doesn’t drive me crazy either. Completely letting I down and it’s really disappointing. I do not felt hurt for I knew he is too young to understand that particular words really annoying. Rather, I felt sad. I hold myself and try not asked anything from him at all. Still, I think I’ll be more happy to be single than this type of relationship. We had argument every week and that’s really bothering me. I was working and we had ‘sms war’. Those words are like shouting to each other. I pull white flag each time but that doesn’t please him. I had to back off.
When we had ‘war’ at night time, it was torturing cos I woke up in the middle of 3am and couldn’t sleep anymore. I sat alone thinking what is wrong. What did I said that hurt him? What is that I did that makes him angry? How can I ask for peace talk? I sent him sms after each war to ask for peace talk but those sms are completely ignored. He ignored me for a few days and come back asking for unite or sometimes talk to me again. I felt so tired with this. I just wanna go on normally like ordinary couple and not argument every week. The last issue we argued about is something he think I insulted him. I didn’t. Really. I just stated my opinion. Never knew he was hurt.
So, last sat… I broke it off by sms as well. I guess he’ll get over me sooner than I am. I really wish he’ll be happy with whatever lying for him in the future. He is still young and great path await him. No matter who he is with later, Im very happy for him should I see he is happy too. From my heart. I mean, I try to be his best gf but we really had communication barrier. No doubt we are not together anymore; I still wish him happiness and my blessing.
So, now I am single again. My life has just begun. I can think of a million things to do alone or with friends. I can do a million things alone or with friends. I am so far contented. Happy and upgrading myself. Haha… sound pretty odd rite? That’s how they say it.
Zzzzz now. Tomorrow is another big day. It’s now 1.51am. I really need a rest now. Take care everyone. I hope my blog here doesn’t ‘bore’ you all. Thank you.
